It takes quite a lot to embarrass me. In fact, I even had a competition with a friend years ago, over who could embarrass the other first. I believe it lasted for about a year, and I won in the end. It just takes something extra special to humiliate me.
I’ve told this story a handful of times over the past month, and almost every time I hear how I should write it for my blog. So here we go:
It was a Monday, and I decided to run some errands, with my kid in tow. As I was pulling out of the parking lot of the first store on my list, I had a small fender bender. This BROKE me.
You see, I have had my license since the day I turned 16. I have never once been issued a ticket, or even pulled over. Up until that Monday, I had never been in an accident as the driver. My driving record was spotless. Something that I reminded my husband of whenever I had the chance.
It wasn’t really the fact that I could no longer say that I had never been in an accident. I was freaked out because I was behind the wheel AND it involved my child. She was fine, I was fine, the other driver was fine. My Xterra didn’t have a scratch on it, the other driver’s car had a tiny mark ( we only backed into each other as we were both backing out of our parking spots). However, it also brought back a flood of emotions from the last time I was involved in a car accident ( at 8 weeks pregnant; another story for another time). So, needless to say at this point, I was a mess. I postponed the rest of my shopping for the day, took Pen home, and cried.
So, that Wednesday I decided to venture back out, because I had to buy the groceries that I didn’t get to on Monday.
I parked in the very back of the parking lot. I was NOT going to get into another accident. I made sure there was not a car anywhere near mine when I pulled in. So far so good. I grabbed Pen, and did my shopping.
It wasn’t until I was checking out with almost 100 dollars worth of groceries, that I realized I didn’t have my wallet.
I explained to the cashier that I was certain it was in my car, and could I run out and grab it? They said sure, and told me they would just continue to bag my groceries. So I grabbed my kid, and took off out the store and through the parking lot.
It was then that I remembered where I had decided to park my car. I start running through the parking lot, with Pen in my arms.
Now, let me say this about my daughter. She is going to be tall. I mean, the girl is just shy of 10 months now, and is already growing out of her 18 month clothes. So, running through a parking lot with a 9 month old is bad enough, but running with a leggy, wiggly 9 month old almost twice as big as some of her peers, is something else.
I make it to my car, incredibly thankful to see that yes, in fact, my wallet is inside ( I wasn’t entirely sure). I ran back into the store, red-faced, dripping with sweat, and gasping for air.
I exhaled something unintelligible to the cashier, paid for my groceries, and tried to leave with the little dignity I had left.
None of this is too embarrassing so far, right? I mean, the entire front of the store is windowed, so everyone checking out had a full view of my dash to and from my car. Even that though, isn’t all that bad.
Well, as I was leaving the store, I stepped over the tracks for the sliding doors. I tripped over myself, nearly face planting on the ground, and almost sending my cart ( with my kid inside) out into parking lot traffic. I caught the cart, tried to right myself, and took off again. What I didn’t know however, was that I didn’t just trip over myself because I was clumsy. No, my pant leg was caught on a loose screw on the door tracks. So, when I quickly started to walk again, I took off, and my pants stayed behind.
Yup, the man behind me got a full-on shot of my derrière. I don’t mean a tiny peak. It was enough that they would have had to use a censor bar on my tush had that been on TV.
Oh, I was mortified. I pulled up my pants and flew to my car. I cried the whole way home.
Once inside my house, I set Pen down in her walker, so I could bring the groceries in. She decided,however, that she didn’t want to be put down, and screamed until I finally picked her up and brought in groceries with her on my hip. She didn’t stop screaming when I picked her up. So there I was, in my yard, with my last bag of groceries in one hand, and a wild screaming banshee flailing from my other arm. It was then that my grocery bag decided to rip open, spilling its contents everywhere. I stopped, looked at the ground, and then looked at my crazed child. And I did what any other sane person would do.
I broke down, laughing. I laughed so hard I started to cry. I’m pretty sure something had snapped in my brain at that moment. It was enough to momentarily stun my child, who just stared at me with her mouth open.
The rest of the day wasn’t terrible, and I enjoyed retelling the story to my husband, who laughed along with me. I’m sure I gave a handful of people in Kroger that day something to talk about as well.
On the bright side of things, now I have another story to use if I ever get asked to “tell your most embarrassing moment”. I mean I can only use my Black Friday story so many times before it gets old.