A Follow Up

Tattoo

There is this song that my husband and I have come to form an opinion about over the years. It’s from a band of professed believers, and they are calling out God, questioning Him as to where He has been. We both agree that this happens, and God is big enough to handle it. I mean all throughout scripture you will find people questioning God (Job anyone?). However in my opinion ( and please someone comment if I’m wrong), what I have found in the Bible is the author always coming back full circle. He may have questioned, cried out, begged for answers, but he also followed up with acknowledging how faithful God was.

That is the problem we have with this song. I may be incorrect, but this band never came out with an answer, a follow up. They questioned God, told Him He was ” too late”, and that was that. He may still be looking for answers, I’m not sure. Or maybe the song didn’t really have any depth to it, and he wrote it because he thought it sounded cool.

Who knows?

I’ve come to realize (okay more like God repeatedly revealed to me) that it is time for a follow up of my own. My postpartum depression. I need to give God the credit on the MIGHTY things He has accomplished after MY lamenting, questioning, crying out. I need to talk about my circle.

I came across some scripture today, and I was blown away by how appropriate it is to me right now:

When the LORD brought back the captive ones of Zion,

We were like those who dream.

Then our mouth was filled with laughter

And our tongue with joyful shouting;

Then they said among the nations,

“The LORD has done great things for them.”

The LORD has done great things for us;

we are glad.

Restore our captivity, O LORD,

As the streams in the South.

Those who sow in tears shall reap

with joyful shouting.

He who goes to and fro weeping,

carrying his bag of seed,

Shall indeed come again with a shout of joy,

bringing his sheaves with him

-Psalm 126 (NASB)

The Lord has rescued me from captivity! From a darkness that was suffocating! I endured in Him and He was faithful. I can finally say with genuine certainty that my depression is GONE!  The relief and joy I feel is overwhelming. I’m finding a great satisfaction that He chose spring to make this apparent to me. What a beautiful picture!

I found this quote the other day, and I can’t get it out of my mind:

She turned to the sunlight

And shook her yellow head,

And whispered to her neighbor:

“Winter is dead.”

-A.A. Milne, When We Were Very Young

My winter is dead. Hallelujah!

Not only has He rescued me from a pit of darkness, He used that time to tenderly teach me. What a wonderful Father we have, the He will not let our sorrows be in vain. He will use our darkest circumstances to bring glory to His name.

When I was in labor, the song “Beautiful Things” by Gungor was relevant to me, because when I heard ” You make beautiful things out of us”, I thought of my daughter. It helped me push through labor and her birth. He continues to use that idea in me now, only He is taking my circumstances, my depression, and turning it into something beautiful.

 

-He has strengthened my marriage from this. My husband never gave up on me, and he became both parents when I could not. It’s  been a blessing to see how committed he is to me and our daughter. I will carry that with me forever.

-He has renewed my faith.

-He has taught me that I am not in control.

-He has softened my heart.

-He has created a compassion in me for women who are struggling with PPD. It hurts me to hear about other women who are going through it. It weighs on me, moves me, challenges me to reach out. I can honestly say I would never have felt this way if I had not gone through it myself. I long to minister to these women now.

 

How wonderful it is to learn that He was cultivating ALL of this in me, even when I felt He was far away. Even when I shouted at Him, asked Him where He was, despaired to take my own life. He was right there, tenderly holding me, sowing in me, loving me.

I may have sown in tears, but now I am shouting for joy!

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